That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
