I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
