he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
