carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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