Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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