I like my sex mixed with concussions.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
