her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
