Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
