My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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