Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
