Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
