Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
