Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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