I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I think my vagina is haunted
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
