My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
