Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
