super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Your penis caused this!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
