walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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