Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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