Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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