Pants 0. Shit 1.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
