its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
