You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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