what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
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