we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
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