I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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