Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
