my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
