I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
