Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
