the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
