We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
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