Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
