So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
