Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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