I accidentally burped into my bong.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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