Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
