Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
