You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
