i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
