I heard we made out
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
