youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
