I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
