after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
