so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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