I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
