Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
