so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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