Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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