I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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