Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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