I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
