I'm eating all of the evidence.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
We had sex on a dog bed..
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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